resolutions.

Today is a day of resolutions. Not the “I vow to lose seventy pounds this week” or “I will do laundry 365 days this year” kind of resolutions. The kind of resolutions in our heads. It’s about making an earnest decision to change things mentally, internally, within. And this blog thing is an attempt to think about/jot down/reflect upon that change.

This is where I’m at:

I’ve accepted a job. I’ve signed on an apartment in a city away from home. I’m growing up. I’m twenty-one, and I’m growing up.

It’s not that I don’t want to grow up, cut the strings, start this self-sustaining thing. Because I do, really. But I feel like I’m missing out on something. (It’s true, I’m a victim of FOMO.) I was completely okay with graduating a year early, until I wasn’t there anymore. I was perfectly fine with the idea of moving back home, until the idea became a reality.

We’ve all got plenty of “workable areas,” we’ll call them. Here are my top three:

  1. I always want to be somewhere I’m not. The best advice I’ve ever gotten is “Be present. Be content, and be present.” That’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever set my mind to.
  2. I fall victim to the problem many of my generation face: unhappiness due to reality not living up to our (ever-so-lofty) expectations. I don’t think I struggle with the entitlement issue as much as I just didn’t realize how difficult it is to get your hands on a rich, juicy opportunity.
  3. My biggest fear has always been, and I daresay, will always be failure. This can be a good thing. We often run from our fears, meaning I will do my best to avoid failure. But realizing I’m going to fail (often), and being okay with that? A mountain I’ve yet to scale.

So, this is my start. Is there a process for officially declaring days? I think I’ll call today Resolution Day. I’ve got big things to do, and a lot of life left to do them. And I’m going to enjoy every step of the way. 

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